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Aνέκδοτα και όχι μόνο...


jax7480

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things

people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by

court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were

actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy

on him.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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A MAN CONVINCES A DOCTOR AFTER YEARS OF MOANING THAT ALL HE

WANTS IS A PRICK THAT REACHES DOWN TO THE FLOOR.

WHEN HE WAKES UP AFTER THE OPERATION

THE DOCTOR CONFIRMS HIS PRICK HITS THE FLOOR.

THE MAN ASKS WHETHER HE USED AN ELEPHANT'S OR HORSE'S

DICK, BUT THE DOCTOR SAYS "NO, NO, IT'S MUCH SIMPLER THAN THAT,

WE JUST CUT OFF YOUR LEGS"

:hehe:

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Είναι ο Τοτός και ετοιμάζεται να βγει ραντεβού με την Αννουλα...

Εχοντας ετοιμαστει για να φυγει απο το σπιτι, τον ρωταει ο πατερας του

"Τοτέ, προφυλακτικο μαζι σου πηρες??"

και απανταει ο Τοτος

"Εχω παρει μπαμπα και αμα γινει τιποτα με την Αννουλα θα το βαλω"

Μπαμπας: "Και που ξερω εγω οτι θα το φορεσεις??? Αν δεν το βαλεις εδω, εξω

δεν βγαινεις!!!"

Τοτος: "Ελα ρε μπαμπα, τι βλακειες ειναι αυτες που λες...!!"

Μπαμπας: "Οχι παιδι μου. Ξερεις τι γινεται στις μερες μας πια?? Αν δεν το

βαλεις απο εδω να ειμαι σιγουρος, εξω δεν βγαινεις"

Τοτος: "Ε, καλα τοτε ρε μπαμπα, Για να μην με ζαλιζεις και Περιμενει και η

Αννουλα, θα το βαλω τωρα"

....και ετσι ο Τοτος φοραει το προφυλακτικο απο σπιτι και βγαινει εξω να

παει να παρει την Αννουλα.

Την παει την Αννουλα λοιπον στην παραλια και αρχιζουν τα φιλια, τις αγκαλιες

κτλ κτλ

Αφου εχει περασει καμποση ωρα ,ο Τοτος περνει την αποφαση και ρωταει την

Αννουλα: "Αννουλα, θες να κανουμε ερωτα???"

....και απανταει η Αννουλα:

" Τοτε, νομιζω οτι τωρα ειναι η καταλληλη ωρα"

....και ετσι την περνει ο Τοτος και πανε σε ενα δωματιο ξενοδοχειου να

ολοκληρωσουν.

Αφου εχουν μεινει μονο με τα εσωρουχα, αρχιζει η Αννουλα να βγαζει σιγα σιγα

και τα εσωρουχα και να λεει στον Τοτο:

"Τοτέ, τα βλεπεις αυτα τα ζουμερα β**ακια;; Μονο ο καυτος ηλιος του

καλοκαιριου τα εχει νιωσει!

Αυτο το τουρλωτο κ**αρακι το βλεπεις;; Μονο ο ανεμος κατω απο τη φουστα

το εχει αγγιξει!

Αυτο το τρυφερο γατακι το βλεπεις;;

Μονο το τρεχουμενο νερο του μπανιου το εχει αγγιξει!"

Κατεβαζει και ο Τοτος το μποξερακι και λεει:

" Αυτο εδώ το βλεπεις ? Ακομα στη ζελατινα ειναι ! "

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